Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
