I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
