no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
