I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
