I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
