How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
