Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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