Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
