I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
