You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just found a bag of teeth...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
