oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
