Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
