go do what you do best...puke behind churches
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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