dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
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you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
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I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?