True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
