I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
