Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
