You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
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