so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
