Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
