Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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