During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
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The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
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I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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