Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Randomize
