please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
