I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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