There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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