I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize