yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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