Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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