thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
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I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
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IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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