Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
