White coat. Heels.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
