I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
