He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
