Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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