I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
