well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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