Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
