Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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