Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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