just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
