I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
