so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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