It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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