She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im holly from the hills drunk
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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