i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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