dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
