You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
