I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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