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i wish there were pregnant emoticons
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
