btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
