someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
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