Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
