Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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