I hate all girls vehemently.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
