Swine flu. Run for my life!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
