$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
