Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
