I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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