Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
