All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
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i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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