I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
