dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
