I wish they made helmets for livers.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
