If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
