so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
