once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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