u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
