This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I can't turn off my feet"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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