I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
