somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
