Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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