I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize